August 09, 2005

Time is on my side.

'"Equality," I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.'

- Bob Dylan
"My Back Pages"

Well, the observant among you may have noticed that the title of this blog is "Quarter of a Century". Perhaps two of the five people who've read this have even wondered what was meant by it. Here's your answer, in the form of another song quote:

"And now, a quarter of my life is almost past,
I think I've come to see myself at last..."

-Joe Cocker
"Darling Be Home Soon"

The basic question I'm trying to find an answer to is this: When do you become an adult? At what point do things fall into place? Is this it? I'm almost twenty-five, I have a college degree, I'm considered reasonably intelligent - and yet, I spend half my time looking around and mumbling, "What the hell...?".
So. When does it kick in? At what point will I understand credit, consolidating loans, 401k's, insurance, savings, purchasing a home and the point of all these things? Call me an underachievers but all I really want is a job I like, a place to keep my movies/computer/books/cds/boyfriend/puppy and lots of free time to play with said movies/computer/books/cds/boyfriend/puppy. Is that so much to ask? I'd like to have more money, but I'm not willing to work 70 hours a week to get it. Time is far more valuable than money, because we have such a limited amount of it... I mean, in the greater scheme of things our lives are not even cosmic blinks. Maybe that's why so many songwriters use time as a topic...

"Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find that ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."

- Pink Floyd
"Time"

Well, I can sympathize with that ditty. It's how I feel now. I have this feeling like everyone was trying to hurry me so much that I missed some cue. I have this feeling like time is bearing down on me, that there is something else I should be doing, some goal I should be roaring towards, but I can't figure out what it is... What's the point of life if you waste all your time making connections, working, paying bills and being a productive member of society? Isn't it important to waste a few hours or days lying on an isolated beach and thinking about what your alien counterparts are doing? Isn't it important to blow off work so you can go drive go-carts with your friends sometimes? I mean otherwise, what the hell is the point? The time I spend doing nothing with my friends is more valuable to me than any time I ever spent in a classroom or an office (and I enjoyed school and still enjoy my job). Everyone is constantly careening around at this frenetic pace trying to "make" something of their life, but wait, isn't it enough to be alive? To enjoy those moments?

"Do I dare Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions
which a minute will reverse."

Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock
T.S. Elliott

See, now this one makes a lot of sense to me. I cannot disturb the universe. My minute is eons for the big black vastness we call the universe. I don't control or influence it in any way. I can make all the money I want, have all kinds of power, cram every minute full of social climbing and "networking" and it doesn't mean a damn thing. People rush around because they're terrified to confront how incredibly small and insignificant they are... They regret past actions because they know they'll never have that time again. I say, what's to regret? The fact that I spent 3 years smoking pot and watching movies isn't going to destroy the world or even my life. And hey, it was a really fun time.

Our time is not unlimited. But our decisions about how to use that time are... What's the point of a life without joy? A life without wasted time? Wasting time is my favorite pastime.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Rachel. It's been a long time since you've written on your blog. I hope you've changed your views on...well, on everything. So young, so stupid. The only one I can help you on is, Joe Cocker did not write, "Darling Be Home Soon". John Sebastian did. Cheers.

2:47 PM  

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